Who Am I Living For?

Dear Diary,

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programing (i.e. my incessant need to bitch) to bring you...other peoples problems!!! Yaaaaay  * sounds of applause *

So. You know I regularly engage with the rolodex of exes. You know the game, flip through your phone and try to find the one who annoys you the least and makes you cum the most. I think I’m pretty good at it, or good enough to have fun without getting hurt.

For whatever reason, when my friends see me play they decide they want to play too. But they’re not me—they’re not seasoned players. They’re nice girls who never speak ill of anyone or bad bitches who aren’t used to medical grade fuckboys. Also, why are they asking me for advice? Why do they want to play my game? I’m constantly single. I can’t even keep a sugar daddy before the need to move on makes me dump him.

Anyways...one of my friends heard I was hooking up with Jeremy. I didn’t even mean to tell her, it just kind of slipped out. I was venting about his “joke” when she said, “wait, you’re still seeing him.” And I was like “hooking up is not ‘seeing him’” and she said... “yeah, but I thought we were in this together”. What she meant was, she thought we both weren’t talking to our exes as a team...and I don’t know what gave her that impression.

Again, she and I are different. I can hookup with an ex, when I need something or just because I can, without getting caught in invisible strings.

She can’t.

Now she’s hooking up with her ex and she’s miserable and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. I know I didn’t make her hook up with him but...it sucks because I feel like I need to deprive myself of what I want so I can be a “good example” for her...and I hate living my life for other people.

I’m sorry if that makes me sound incredibly selfish.

-❤️👽✨