I can make the devil cry

Dear Diary,

 

I guess it happened again and I can’t say I’m surprised. Why do I say guess when I know its true...I guess I don’t want to admit it to myself.

 

The first month with Johnny was great. I was “wifey” and he—there was nothing he wanted to do that didn’t involve me. “I want to make up for lost time”, he said. And I forgave him after he apologized because I wanted to believe him when he said, “I’m sorry.” Deadass he apologized for everything he put me through, for ghosting and cheating and lying and being an overall piece of shit (okay, so I embellished that point but you get the general picture). Again, I forgave him because I wanted to start again and I (foolishly) believed we might have a future together. I almost stopped working at the club for him.

 

So, what did he do? Nothing yet, but I can feel him changing.

 

He’s staying out late and leaving early. But its more than that, he’s just acting distant. Like he’s in some sort of rut and I’m partially the cause of it. I swear, he’s like a fucking puppet master or something. He pulls one string and I’m happy, he pulls another string and I’m sad. Then, he makes me feel bad for bringing it up—like I’M the crazy one.

 

He’s worse than a puppet master, he’s the devil. Un pinche diablo.

 

Luckily, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I need to remember who I am. On any given night I can make truckloads of men eat out of the palm of my hand. So why am I letting one dictate my life and how I feel about myself?

Fuck that.

 

Because I am Eve Lemur. And I know how to make the devil cry.

Nuni SnowdenComment