We Will Happen Again And Again

Dear Diary,

🎶 And we will happen, again and again 🎶

I’m done fighting it. The merry go-round that is me and my rolodex of exes. Maybe I don’t want to get off right now, maybe I want to stay and play for a little while. I keep thinking of Justin and how I need closure, but we both know what closure leads to...it feels like I have two options.

1.    Meet him for coffee and say my peace

a.    Except possible consequences of that meeting...mainly letting him raw dog me on his roommate’s couch

                                               i.     Experience the inevitable remorse and confusion that comes with getting reacquainted with Bo Joe’s couch

2.    Move on. Let him wallow in a life without me as I suffer in silence under the weight of my own unanswered questions.

Is there a third option I’m missing because I’ve been through the list a few times and I can’t find one.

Maybe this time, we won’t have sex. Or, if we do, I can set boundaries between us—namely, we have sex when I want to, and he’s not allowed to contact me between the hours of 7pm and 2am. Maybe if I make him wear a condom, a literal barrier between us, he’ll be so turned off he’ll never want to see me again...maybe we should schedule sex a week in advance.

Oh snap, that might backfire and make him super horny in anticipation.

Who am I kidding? Time is an illusion that helps things make sense...if I didn’t set boundaries the other zillion times we had sex, why would I set them now? No matter what I do I can’t erase the time we spent together. Beemo is right, we’ll always be back then.

(Side note, I’m convinced Adventure Time is our generation’s Casablanca and no one can tell me otherwise).

I wish I knew what to do.

-TTFN